had to but couldn’t

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 The night was right, it was gleaming bright....... the moon made its  dying  efforts to pull the strings left loose by the dead sun....but that was the night , i was to tell anita about my dark side,it  had to be....After waiting night after night, to find the precise moment,to unmask my bloody face and show her  who i was , who i really am...that face that she used to cuddle, which was the property of her  lips, had stains of some other women, reeked of some other wax unknown to her.....But the mask won’t come out, entangled by strings attached to her heart, it wanted delicate hands that would pull them out one by one, it screamed for justice...........
 I couldn’t wait , i had waited for long, ..........i just couldn’t anymore....i just had to.........
 I remember, one night i was about to tell her all about myshelf. On that very morning we had fought on a very trivial matter, we both knew the fire wasn’t strong enough to burn the house, there was something much more stronger  that had been brewing underground  for months now.....I came back early from office, i knew couldn’t work, at least not on that day...........she was in the kitchen, as i opened the door, she came to me and for some reason went back, i could sense even she had something to tell, maybe she liked someone else, maybe she also had an affair, may be wanted a divorce. I thought for two seconds as the man who used to love her like hell, rather than the man who was about to tell her about his extra-marital  affair. Then i realised she was still angry due to the morning’s affairs. I went to her  n hugged her, hugged her like it was my last day, held her as if she if she would  go away to a place far away.  I still loved her, i knew i couldn’t do this to her, the passionate kiss that lasted for ages, settled all the months anger, fears, insecurities. Love had no other definition but ANITA.
  The night crawled in, i had to.....i just had to...i knew won’t ever get an opportunity to tell her the truth..i waited for darkness to engulf us, with much resistance from moon, finally, it left me all alone. I saw her innocent face, she was sleeping on my arms, i woke her up with a kiss on her forehead. She refused to wake up and dug herself deeper in my arms.
Things might have been different if i had but i couldn’t......... just couldn’t.....................
  

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