huh.... happy

  In life, there’s   always something, that we would never value, in spite of being well aware of this realization......... we still tend to ignore it. My life seemed to have plunged into  some kind of nothingness, a lull  period, a period where nothing substantial used to happen, no big fights with Anita, no real arguments, no big smiles, i thought she knew about my affair and she was at ease with it. On the other hand kavya, the girl from my workplace, had created an amazing maze around me no matter what work i started upon it always ended in calling her up to my cabin for some kind of work and then spending the rest of the day with her.

An interesting aspect of working with an ngo is that it has a completely different work atmosphere. Here when a guy talks with a female employee even for hours, it won’t ignite any kind of office gossips that normally happens in any 9 to 5 glassed cages. Yes, this is what i thought about my Ex employers, they were animals locked in glassed air conditioned cages. Even i was an animal a more greedier one, all i wanted was the fattest paycheques, the best cars to pick me up and people who would pamper my ego. Now i did live a free life,but not a happy one.

Sometimes i feel the word happy is the most impractical word in the English dictionary and the people who say they are happy are plain bloody liars because being happy is not mean achievement, there are a thousand factors which stand up to be counted when u near this feeling. My relationship with Anita, a HAPPY one in every worldly sense wasn’t that happy. I knew it , hoped even she knew it. Yes she talked but never for more than minute at a stretch, yes we attended family functions together but as two sets of bones n skeletons with an entangled wrists., yes we got laid but the passion was gone. I had no reasons to hate her, but had a tough time searching for those to love. Kavya, on the other hand aroused in me the same feelings that once Anita’s mere presence used to filled my heart with. I had promised to grow old with her, without love i found it hard to imagine. I never thought about getting a divorce because i still knew i won’t be able to live without her, not even a day. These feelings used to kill me painlessly every day, every minute,  every second.

It was Saturday, the day of the week i kissed her for the first time, made out with for the first time, proposed to her, so we had decided to get married on a Saturday. The day of the week was very special to us , so on that day we did something special. On most of the Saturdays in our first year of marriage, we used to cut a cake, i know it sounds pretty fictitious but we were really madcaps in our earlier years we were both fond of cakes, so took a house on rent near our favourite bakery. Apart from that we went out shopping, went to movies and nights were extra special. Saturdays used to be one hell of a day in our first year of marriage. As my paycheques got fatter we moved to a more posh location. Saturdays used to be a time when we used to go out together but it was fun no matter what. Third year of marriage, Saturdays became a day we made out, not that we didn’t use to do that in our previous years ,but unlike the previous years the other activities, were trimmed.  These couple of months Saturdays became one of the two most uneventful days of the week, the other being Sunday,  Kavya’s  absence being the reason.

it was a Saturday, i went out with kavya on the pretext of meeting a important client. She told she would go out to meet her sister. I happily went off with kavya. She used to talk a lot, i never realised that, but of late it became more and more evident to me. Sitting in a cafe house with the background of kavya talking something  about her childhood incident , my mind set off thinking to another world, wondering, what if even anita was cheating on me, what if even she’s seeing another person, i won’t ever accept that, how dare she  could cheat on me, suddenly  my flight turned red and an alarm set off “Are you listening to me, are you listening to me” an involuntary  “ ya honey”   saved the flight and continued thinking about the suspects, well no matter how complaining i was i completely trusted my girl. Suddenly my phone rang, anita had called , i picked it up, a male voice barked some words, my fears turned into reality....i asked again....he was Anita’s brother in law. Anita  got hit by a bike and was in the ICU....................................................